May 10, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
You Won’t Change, So I Must Be Doing Something Wrong:
A Quick Look at Codependency
By Debbie Devine, MS
www.DevineRelaxation.com
The Mistaken Beliefs of Codependents:
“If I AM: good enough/nice enough/skinny enough/vigilant enough/accommodating enough/loud enough/upset enough…
“If I say it enough times in enough different ways…
“If I give enough money/withhold enough money, give sex/withhold sex, pout, criticize, get you out of bed in the mornings, do all the irrational things you demand…
THEN YOU WILL BECOME THE PERSON I WANT YOU TO BE.
You will do what I think you need to do to fix your life, our relationship.
You won’t drink/cheat/use drugs/yell/hit/get mad at me.
You will appreciate me.
If I do all of the above and you STILL DON’T become the person I want you to be, then I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE. I FEEL GUILTY.
I keep doing these things because I believe it will make you/others/God pleased with me. You/others/God will admire me for my sacrifice. This is what makes me worthy.
I know exactly what YOU think, feel, and need, and why. I can analyze you endlessly.
I have no idea what I think, feel, or need, or why. And I am uncomfortable when my counselor asks me to be still, listen to myself, journal, dig deeper, try new things that might make me happy, set a boundary with you.
I would much rather figure out what’s wrong with YOU than look at ME.
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April 29, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
Taste the Lemon? The Power of the Mind
Recently I attended a seminar on integrative medicine (the treatment of chronic pain or stress through both traditional medicine and psychological influence). In order to illustrate the influence our minds have over our health, they had us visualize a lemon—imagine its feel and smell—imagine cutting it into quarters, then biting into the lemon and feeling the tartness as the juices rush into our mouth. Did your mouth pucker and water just now when you read that? The bodily response was produced by your imagination only—in reality, there is no lemon in your hand! Your THOUGHTS caused your BODY to physically respond as if there were.
Every Cell in our Body Listens To Our Thoughts
This exercise really brought home to me how important it is to guard our thinking from the negative. We can’t allow critics, whether inside our head or in our relationships, to have a place in our lives. Criticism causes stress and discouragement, which cause a rise in cortisol, the bad or “stress” hormone. This in turn leads to a decrease in immunity, causing increased episodes of illness. Healing of wounds slows down. Chronic pain becomes worse. IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) also worsens. Discouragement gains a hold, and before we know it, our thoughts have helped our body to become ill.
I have been able to help my clients manage chronic pain, panic attacks, migraines and other conditions many times by teaching them deep relaxation and replacing the negative with positive. I commit to my clients as well as to the doctors who refer to me to continue learning ways to help the mind give the body healthful, happy messages.
Categories: Pain Management, Sleep Issues | Tags: | No Comments »
April 21, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
Although the economy is improving, hard times are a fact of all of our lives at one time or another. These are some ideas to supplement your therapy experience. “Tips” are not a substitute for therapy.
1. REALIZE that we are all in this together: try not to blame your spouse or yourself.
2. PRIORITIZE CONNECTION. Relationships and community have definite health benefits. DON’T isolate in your home or office!
3. VOLUNTEER. It gives you a sense of usefulness and can lead to networking connections, as well as serving to take your mind off of yourself and your troubles.
4. SPEND SOME TIME EVERY DAY BEING GRATEFUL. What you focus on WILL grow; gratitude brings more good things, worry brings more of what you fear.
5. TAKE A BREAK FROM THE PROBLEM. Watch a funny movie. Take a walk with your spouse. Promise yourself you will put the issue out of your mind for ten minutes, or an hour. If the worry returns before the time is up, put up a giant mental STOP sign and deliberately bring your thoughts back to the present moment.
6. REALIZE THAT HARD TIMES ARE NECESSARY FOR BECOMING OUR BEST SELVES. Use this time to grow your patience and faith, to tap your creativity, to assess your true values.
7. ASK FOR HELP. Counseling can help you process the hard times and come out better for it on the other side.
Categories: Anxiety, Counseling, Depression | Tags: | No Comments »
April 7, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
Dear friends and clients;
My studies in Evidence Based Behavioral Medicine have helped me help many clients who are seeking permanent changes in their lifestyle. Remember that MODERATION is the key to any long term results; “slow and steady” vs. dramatic and drastic change.
Feel free to pass this along to whomever you wish! I appreciate your confidence and trust.
Warm Regards,
Debbie
Tips for Healthy Weight Loss
1. WRITE down your food intake for at least one week (you will be surprised). This creates AWARENESS.
2. EXERCISE along with a balanced diet. Start slowly and only after your doctor’s approval. Thirty minute brisk walks, five times a week are ideal.
3. REPLACE sweets with fruit servings where possible.
4. EAT SMALLER AMOUNTS of healthy foods, and increase fruit and vegetable intake.
5. EAT SLOWLY, chewing thoroughly, laying your fork down between bites.
6. DO NOT EAT IN FRONT OF THE TV. Focus on the tastes and textures. Remember, the problem here is not food itself, but MINDLESS eating.
7. REDUCE GREATLY your intake of refined and processed foods: crackers, sugared cereals, baked goods all contain processed flour, which can cause glucose “shocks” to your system.
8. THINK LONG TERM. Meal substitutes (shakes, prepackaged dinners, etc) may cause short term weight loss, but will cause a “rebound effect” on your metabolism. As it senses deprivation, it will slow down and will result in weight gain when you go back to regular eating.
9. MAKE MANY SMALL CHANGES THAT YOU CAN STICK WITH PERMANENTLY. They add up to a slow, steady weight loss that will last (leaving the butter off the roll, choosing salsa instead of ranch dressing, etc.)
10. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF. If you eat something you shouldn’t, don’t give up and say “I can’t!” You will not eat or exercise perfectly every day. Forgive yourself and start back immediately on your healthy habits. “All or nothing” thinking is the enemy of success!
These suggestions are not intended to replace the advice and counsel of your health care provider. Please follow their direction carefully and have a complete physical before making any changes in lifestyle.
Debbie
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February 18, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
In this blog, I will talk about the therapy process and the stages you experience.
What Stage Are You In?
SURVIVAL:
Virtually all clients start at this level. You are in crisis, at a low point, in pain. My focus here is an immediate and practical prescription for helping you regain hope and basic functioning. This most often includes health issues such as exercise and rest, as well as releasing pain out of the body by relaxation and journaling.
RECOVERY:
At this stage you move on to the relationships around you as a focus for change. You are ready to see how you help create the painful patterns in your own life, and you go out into the world as a scientist, observing your patterns with others. You begin to see how you contribute to your own problems by the thinking habits you’ve formed.
PROGRESS:
Too many clients leave therapy at this stage. The pain is eased—why go deeper? The problem with stopping here is that the fundamental issues and reactions have not been changed yet. It’s like stopping an antibiotic on the second day because you feel better—the basic “infection” has not been eradicated, and will resurface in time.
PLEASURE:
A client who “stays the course” to this stage begins to reap the deeply satisfying rewards of enjoyment and contentment in life. Persistent body aches, migraines, rashes and recurring illnesses often ease or disappear entirely as the client ceases to be at war within and therefore has the energy to heal.
AWARENESS:
Once the bothersome thinking patterns are uncovered and corrected, the client has found peace in their personal boundaries and dealings with others. The “coaching” side of my work now begins. I help the client explore what they want their legacy to be in life, how to live with integrity regardless of circumstance, and dream for the future by exploring goals.
My gift to your church, social or civic group: a stress reduction class, secular or spiritually based, half hour. Call to schedule!
Categories: Counseling, Depression | Tags: | No Comments »
