I am very experienced in the divorce process, having taught classes for District Judges in counties all over Texas on this subject. If you are looking for divorce help, divorce counseling, and divorce support, my services are available with one phone call to 214-410-0435  or email to ddevine@DevineRelaxation.com .

If you need compassionate guidance to deal with your relationships with a mate, parents, or others–perhaps you are working on your marriage alone because your mate won’t come to counseling– or if you are struggling with anxiety, pain, sleep issues, or depression, please don’t wait. Call me today at 214-410-0435 or email me with your questions at ddevine@DevineRelaxation.com . Remember: your world changes when YOU change.

1)      Increased desire to sleep

2)      Craving high-carbohydrate foods

3)      Sadness

4)      Decreased energy levels during short winter days

5)      Winter weight gain

Remedies  include: exercise, increasing your exposure to outdoor light (even on cloudy days), using bright lights inside, light therapy boxes, postponing ambitious resolutions until spring,  and other skills I can give you for coping.

The use of antidepressants among Americans has increased 400 percent since the late 1980s, yet less than a third of those taking a drug have seen a mental health professional in the last year.

Taking medication for anxiety or depression without concurrent” talk” therapy is merely masking the problem without a long term solution.

New Year’s Resolutions?

Maybe Not…

Winter’s short days and cold weather, coupled with post-holiday exhaustion, may mean this is not your best time to begin ambitious changes. Set very small goals in the beginning, and applaud your success as you go.

1. Remind yourself that people are under more pressure and are going to be harder to get along with on special days.

2. If you choose to speak up-and “rocking the boat” is NOT a bad thing—use an “I message.” Example: Mom, I feel hurt when you criticize my cooking.

3. Try to have those “I message” conversations privately and directly with the person who has offended you. Avoid the words “always” and “never.” After all, no one is ALWAYS guilty of something

4. Avoid being drawn into family triangles. A triangle is where people discuss another family member behind their back. It may feel good to be included, but it almost always comes back to haunt you later when you indulge in gossip. If someone attempts to draw you in, excuse yourself and invent an urgent gravy emergency.

5. If the dinner is at your house, you have the right to set all rules and boundaries, such as no alcohol,  no smoking inside, etc. Be polite but firm. The rules are always the choice of the host/hostess: the guest’s choice is whether or not to attend.

6. Get outside for a walk, or at least a deep breath of fresh air. Remind yourself that it’s only one day. Promise yourself a relaxing treat later (such as a hot bath, TV show, good book). This will help manage your depression or anxiety.

7. Try to look past the person’s irritating manner to the wounds that cause the actions. This does not mean you don’t speak up, it simply means you speak up calmly.

8. Thank your hostess profusely. You have no idea how much time and effort it takes unless you’ve done it yourself!

9. Spend some time being thankful and enjoying the people you love.

10. Never skip our appointments during the holiday season, no matter how busy you are. Like sleep and exercise, your sessions are essential to keeping you in balance and moving forward.

I have been in practice 15 years this May. I am amazed and grateful every day that I get to do the work I love.  These 15 years of counseling in Rockwall, Texas have been very fulfilling.

Like most therapists, I started out seeing all ages in individual and couples counseling. I took insurance, started Rockwall’s first Divorce Recovery classes for Judge Sue Pirtle and Judge Brett Hall. I began a Mentoring program that is still used in RISD schools today. I started the Rockwall Therapist’s Lunch Group which still meets every month. My studies in Evidence Based Behavioral Medicine led to the production of my CD, Devine Relaxation (www.DevineRelaxation.com/self-help-tools ) which has given dozens of people relief from pain, sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, and panic attacks.

  As my practice grew, I have been able to break free from the insurance companies’ dictates for your care and practice out-of-network only. I  see only adults in individual counseling. I have found my “dream office” in the woods. I keep a select group of patients and give care that is unlike any offered elsewhere. I am continually studying, going to seminars, and learning ways to improve your care even more.

 My practice is NOT for everyone. My clients pay for the best and they get it.

Here is what you, the patients, have taught me:

When a person is ready to change, they change. Not before.

Sometimes a listening ear is enough and exactly what is needed.

It takes time to “undo” the years of damage done in life (the so called “brief” therapies lead to “brief” changes!)

The human heart, mind and spirit is always striving toward health.

Plenty of people in your life “give advice.” I give skilled, licensed, highly professional counseling and a patient knows the difference.

THANK YOU, to my patients. THANK YOU for allowing me the privilege to participate in your care. THANK YOU for your trust.

And thank you for teaching me these things.

Best,

I am working on a CD which will teach patients how to get the most out of journaling for depression, anxiety, and divorce recovery.  Here’s a sneak peek!

The most basic and easiest to start is what I call stream- of- consciousness journaling. You have no rules here except you start writing and keep writing until you fill 3 pages, go 5 minutes, or whatever other boundary you want to set. If you want to keep going after you reach the boundary, you can, but you don’t have to. You don’t try to write on any particular topic, you just let your brain dump out on paper. If you keep your hand moving, even if you just make scribbles, your brain will express itself eventually. NO censoring yourself or your language.

Here’s an example of stream-of-consciousness journaling:

“OK. Debbie said to write, so I’m writing. This feels like a waste of time because I don’t know what to say. Hmm.  Okay. Well, I’m feeling kinda bugged today but nothing is really wrong. Well, I guess SOMETHING is wrong if I feel bugged. Maybe it’s because my sister cancelled out on me for lunch again. You know, I didn’t tell her it bugged me, did I? I just let her cancel and said, Oh, that’s okay. But it’s NOT okay because she cancels so much. I feel like I’m last priority to her. Come to think of it, I feel like I’m last priority to everybody…wow. Maybe I should talk to Debbie about that. I’ll mark this entry in my journal and email it to her later. It’s hard to take the time to do this. It seems like I could get a lot more off my plate if I started on my to-do list instead, because I keep thinking of things I need to be doing. I’m really too busy to sit and write. Debbie says this is a way of taking care of myself, but I just don’t have time to take care of myself…huh. I put myself last a lot. I don’t think I’m worthy of my own time. Kinda like my sister doesn’t think I’m worthy of HER time. Maybe that’s the problem. If I don’t think I’m worthy of my time, why should anyone else? If I’m last priority to ME, why shouldn’t everyone see it the same way?”

To my current patients: thank you for your referrals! Your trust is very valuable to me and it’s an honor when someone calls and says you gave them my name.

I have a limited number of openings for new patients that I am creating for the fall. If you are ready to begin or resume YOUR journey, please call me at 214-410-0435 or email me at ddevine@DevineRelaxation.com .

I am worried and anxious about my friend “Sue.” She lets her husband put her down and be sarcastic to her. I’ve seen him shove her around a few times. She makes excuses for him and says she’s bound by her marriage vows to put up with it. They go to marriage counseling at their church, but she is too scared to say how she feels for fear of him taking it out on her at home.

 I have tried to do interventions like I see on TV, like giving her hints about how she should leave him and even talking to him secretly about how he should change. She has family and friends who would help her in a minute. I just can’t change this situation, and it’s driving me crazy. What should I do?

Signed,

 Friend Who Feels Like A Failure

Dear “Friend;”

I know it’s very hard to watch a loved one live that way. For her own reasons, she is not ready to leave. Leaving a marriage is a very hard decision and doesn’t always provide a permanent answer if the abused spouse doesn’t get professional help. You could be making it much worse for her at home by your attempts to counsel the husband on his behavior; he is likely to blame her for your actions.

Your only role here is as a supportive friend, not a counselor or decision maker. As much as we want to help, adults must make their own choices and reap their own consequences. He needs individual (NOT marital) counseling for anger management, and she needs support and a place to examine her decisions. These require licensed, skilled professionals.

Please consider talking to a professional yourself about your feelings if the worry is interrupting your enjoyment of life. You can learn to lovingly detach from the situation and live your own life.

Best,

Debbie

I am so tired of helping everybody else and putting me last, but what am I supposed to do? My sister thinks that because I work at home, I can keep her kids while she goes to the store or to her job. My husband expects me to manage everything around the house, and the neighbor next door drops in to be entertained and has me accepting her packages “because I’m right there.” If I tell them no, maybe they won’t like me and I’ll feel selfish. Aren’t I supposed to put others first? I am exhausted and I cry all the time, plus I’m not sleeping too well. My doctor says I’m depressed. What do I do?

Signed,

Last Place in My Own Life

Dear Last Place;

You are learning this hard lesson: the more we give ourselves up to please others, the less they appreciate us and the more they expect us to do. I call this, “greedy not grateful.”

 A healthy life includes saying “no” to the whims and desires of others sometimes in order to take care of ourselves. You are trying to give water when your own well is dry! A lot of us think that if we just sacrifice ourselves, people will notice and appreciate it; then we get resentful when they don’t. The answer is not to try harder, but to back off and take care of ourselves. You have every right to say “no” when someone’s request is unreasonable or interferes with your own plans. Your own happiness and health depend upon you finding the freedom in the words “No, I can’t.”

Best,

Debbie

Recently I have noticed that my heart will start racing for no reason. I get dizzy and shaky too and wonder if I’m going to die. I am nervous about everyday things, like driving. I’ve been checked out carefully by doctors ( I even went to the ER once) and they say I am having anxiety attacks. I know awhile back I went through some rough times but I just put it out of my mind and went on. Could that be what’s making this happen now?

Signed,

Just Want It To Stop

Dear “Just;”

You were wise to start with your doctor in this matter. It’s always good to rule out physical causes of these symptoms and go from there.

 Yes, it is very likely that you suppressed the stress from the “rough times” you went through and the body is now dealing with it the best way it knows how. When we go through stressful times, the body senses danger and stores up adrenaline and excess energy. It shuts down normal body functioning so we can have all of our energy to “run” from the danger. As soon as it feels ready, those reactions start to occur. You need a licensed counselor trained in Cognitive-Behavioral therapy and stress reduction to help you process that rough time and get the panic attacks under control.

Best,

Debbie