March 11, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
My clients enjoy my luxurious, discreet counseling atmosphere in a beautiful cottage surrounded by trees and birds. Unlike the average therapist who answers to insurance companies regarding your care, I have a specialized, fee-only practice for the discriminating adult who is looking for the highest standards in confidentiality (no insurance accepted) and expertise. I am an experienced, senior level therapist who offers a unique therapy experience, including articles, email support, and direct, practical suggestions.
I am an expert in the divorce process, having taught classes for District Judges in counties all over Texas on this subject. If you are looking for divorce help, divorce counseling, and divorce support, my services are available with one phone call to 214-410-0435 or email to ddevine@DevineRelaxation.com .
If you need expert guidance to deal with your relationships with a mate, parents, or others–perhaps you are working on your marriage alone because your mate won’t come to counseling– or if you are struggling with anxiety, pain, sleep issues, or depression, please don’t wait. Call me today at 214-410-0435 or email me with your questions at ddevine@DevineRelaxation.com . Remember: your world changes when YOU change.
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June 28, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
If this post reaches even one victim, it’s worth the posting….
Warning Signs of an Abusive Partner
Project for Victims of Family Violence, Lafayette, ARK
1. Push for quick involvement: comes on very strong, pressures for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. Jealousy: Excessively possessive: calls constantly, visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone:” checks your mileage.
3. Controlling: Interrogates you intensely, especially if you’re late, about whom you talked to and where you were. Keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4. Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be the perfect one and meet every need.
5. Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses your supporters of “causing trouble;” deprives you of a phone or car.
6. Blames others: for their problems and mistakes: The boss, you—it’s always someone else’s’ fault.
7. Makes everyone else responsible for own feelings: says, you make me angry” instead of “I AM angry,” or, “you’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.”
8. Hypersensitivity: Easily insulted, claiming their feelings are hurt when they are really mad; rants about things that are just part of life.
9. Cruel to animals or children: kills or punishes animals brutally; expects children to do things that are beyond their ability, i.e. whips a two year old for wetting a diaper; teases children until they cry. SIXTY FIVE PERCENT OF ABUSERS WHO HIT THEIR PARTNER WILL ALSO HIT CHILDREN.
10. “Playful” use of force during sex: enjoys throwing you down, holding you down against your will; says they find the idea of rape exciting.
11. Verbal abuse: constant criticism, says cruel or hurtful things; degrades, curses you, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.
12. Rigid gender roles: expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.
13. Sudden mood swings: switches from sweetly loving to explosive in a matter of minutes.
14. Past battering: admits hitting in the past, but says the partner made them do it or the situation was to blame.
15. Threats of violence: makes statements like “I’ll break your neck” or “I’ll kill you,” then dismisses it with “everybody talks that way, you’re too sensitive” or “I didn’t mean it.” IF IT HAS COME THIS FAR, GET HELP OR GET OUT.
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June 1, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
Isn’t technology wonderful? You would think it would strengthen relationships to have Facebook, texting, and other forms of constant communication. And while that is all fine in itself, it is regrettable when the urge to stay current becomes more important than the person or experience in front of you.
We have a very hard time being in the present moment; being alone with ourselves, or being truly present with another. We are in an age of constant distraction; televisions in restaurants, phones, Ipods. So that child in front of us, or in the back seat, is drowned out by the noise. Conversation with our loved ones is constantly interrupted. Quiet time for self-reflection gets drowned in busyness. BUT:
The IMMEDIATE should never outweigh the IMPORTANT.
I saw an example of this at a restaurant recently. A young woman was talking animatedly to her date; he was nodding mechanically in response while texting with his left thumb! The message he was sending her was this: you are not important enough for my undivided attention. No matter what assurances he may have given her otherwise, people HEAR what you SAY, but they BELIEVE what you DO.
People HEAR what you SAY, but they BELIEVE what you DO.
Remember to set aside time each day to give your loved ones undivided attention. Be present with the store clerk in front of you. Pay full attention when you drive.
The phone and Internet are fun and convenient, but don’t let them dictate your living. Be fully present to your life. Be Here Now.
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May 10, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
You Won’t Change, So I Must Be Doing Something Wrong:
A Quick Look at Codependency
By Debbie Devine, MS
www.DevineRelaxation.com
The Mistaken Beliefs of Codependents:
“If I AM: good enough/nice enough/skinny enough/vigilant enough/accommodating enough/loud enough/upset enough…
“If I say it enough times in enough different ways…
“If I give enough money/withhold enough money, give sex/withhold sex, pout, criticize, get you out of bed in the mornings, do all the irrational things you demand…
THEN YOU WILL BECOME THE PERSON I WANT YOU TO BE.
You will do what I think you need to do to fix your life, our relationship.
You won’t drink/cheat/use drugs/yell/hit/get mad at me.
You will appreciate me.
If I do all of the above and you STILL DON’T become the person I want you to be, then I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE. I FEEL GUILTY.
I keep doing these things because I believe it will make you/others/God pleased with me. You/others/God will admire me for my sacrifice. This is what makes me worthy.
I know exactly what YOU think, feel, and need, and why. I can analyze you endlessly.
I have no idea what I think, feel, or need, or why. And I am uncomfortable when my counselor asks me to be still, listen to myself, journal, dig deeper, try new things that might make me happy, set a boundary with you.
I would much rather figure out what’s wrong with YOU than look at ME.
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April 29, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
Taste the Lemon? The Power of the Mind
Recently I attended a seminar on integrative medicine (the treatment of chronic pain or stress through both traditional medicine and psychological influence). In order to illustrate the influence our minds have over our health, they had us visualize a lemon—imagine its feel and smell—imagine cutting it into quarters, then biting into the lemon and feeling the tartness as the juices rush into our mouth. Did your mouth pucker and water just now when you read that? The bodily response was produced by your imagination only—in reality, there is no lemon in your hand! Your THOUGHTS caused your BODY to physically respond as if there were.
Every Cell in our Body Listens To Our Thoughts
This exercise really brought home to me how important it is to guard our thinking from the negative. We can’t allow critics, whether inside our head or in our relationships, to have a place in our lives. Criticism causes stress and discouragement, which cause a rise in cortisol, the bad or “stress” hormone. This in turn leads to a decrease in immunity, causing increased episodes of illness. Healing of wounds slows down. Chronic pain becomes worse. IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) also worsens. Discouragement gains a hold, and before we know it, our thoughts have helped our body to become ill.
I have been able to help my clients manage chronic pain, panic attacks, migraines and other conditions many times by teaching them deep relaxation and replacing the negative with positive. I commit to my clients as well as to the doctors who refer to me to continue learning ways to help the mind give the body healthful, happy messages.
Categories: Pain Management, Sleep Issues | Tags: | No Comments »
