February 18, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
In this blog, I will talk about the therapy process and the stages you experience.
What Stage Are You In?
SURVIVAL:
Virtually all clients start at this level. You are in crisis, at a low point, in pain. My focus here is an immediate and practical prescription for helping you regain hope and basic functioning. This most often includes health issues such as exercise and rest, as well as releasing pain out of the body by relaxation and journaling.
RECOVERY:
At this stage you move on to the relationships around you as a focus for change. You are ready to see how you help create the painful patterns in your own life, and you go out into the world as a scientist, observing your patterns with others. You begin to see how you contribute to your own problems by the thinking habits you’ve formed.
PROGRESS:
Too many clients leave therapy at this stage. The pain is eased—why go deeper? The problem with stopping here is that the fundamental issues and reactions have not been changed yet. It’s like stopping an antibiotic on the second day because you feel better—the basic “infection” has not been eradicated, and will resurface in time.
PLEASURE:
A client who “stays the course” to this stage begins to reap the deeply satisfying rewards of enjoyment and contentment in life. Persistent body aches, migraines, rashes and recurring illnesses often ease or disappear entirely as the client ceases to be at war within and therefore has the energy to heal.
AWARENESS:
Once the bothersome thinking patterns are uncovered and corrected, the client has found peace in their personal boundaries and dealings with others. The “coaching” side of my work now begins. I help the client explore what they want their legacy to be in life, how to live with integrity regardless of circumstance, and dream for the future by exploring goals.
My gift to your church, social or civic group: a stress reduction class, secular or spiritually based, half hour. Call to schedule!
Categories: Counseling, Depression | 
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January 14, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
Could It Be Anxiety? Some Signs
Debbie Devine, Licensed Professional Counselor
214-410-0435
www.DevineRelaxation.com
1. Racing heartbeat
2. Chest pain
3. Shortness of breath
4. Racing Thoughts
5. Stomach Distress
6. Fears
7. Dizziness
8. Numbness or tingling
9. Unsteady
10. Terrified
11. Lump in throat/feelings of choking
12. Faintness
13. Flushing/sweating, not due to heat
*(Please note: this list is NOT INTENDED to replace evaluation by a licensed health care professional)
Categories: Anxiety | Tags: anxiety issues, faintness, feelings of choking, lump in throat, racing heartbeat, stomach distress, stress | No Comments »
January 27, 2010 | Posted by Debbie Devine
I wait and watch for inspiration for these messages to you, and I found it this month in a song: John Mayer’s “Say What You Need to Say”
“Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even if your eyes are closing
Say it with your heart wide open
Say what you need to say.”
So much of my day is spent helping people figure this out. “Finding your voice” is a wonderful benefit of therapy, as you learn here that you have both a RIGHT to ask for what you want and the WAY to state your needs respectfully.
Some basic tips when you are “saying what you need to say:”
1. Use “I Need” instead of “you should.”
It is not OK for you to tell other people how to live their lives. “Saying what you need to say” is NOT a license to judge, criticize or otherwise counsel others!
It IS OK to require them to treat you with respect, but you must first ask respectfully. This means not yelling your message at them. Not using sarcasm or anger. It means speaking up firmly and courteously about what you will or will not tolerate.
2. Speak honestly, clearly and directly—don’t hint, manipulate or guilt-trip others.
We get in trouble when we expect others to “just know” or read our minds. This is a common pitfall when dealing with the opposite sex. Women, most guys don’t get all the hints and signals that your girlfriends do. It’s not a sign of any lack of love. “Say what you need to say” without playing games.
3, After you say what you need to say, take responsibility for what comes next.
You have choices here. Maybe you’ll get what you’ve asked for, maybe you won’t. The next step is to decide what is required in order for you to stay in the relationship or on the job. Do you need to require marital counseling? Do you need a different job where you are respected? Do you need a time apart? Do you need to hire help to get things accomplished which are being neglected?
Then, do what you need to do.
Say what you need to say.
And let me know if I can help in that process.
Categories: Communication | Tags: a RIGHT to ask for what you want, After you say what you need to say, ask respectfully, benefit of therapy, clearly and directly, criticize or otherwise counsel others, Do you need a different job where you are respected, don’t hint, Finding your voice, get in trouble when we expect others to “just know” or read our minds, guys don’t get all the hints and signals that your girlfriends do, manipulate or guilt-trip others, NOT a license to judge, Not using sarcasm or anger, playing games, Say what you need to say, Speak honestly, speaking up firmly and courteously about what you will or will not tolerate, state your needs respectfully, take responsibility for what comes next, what is required in order for you to stay in the relationship or on the job, It is not OK for you to tell other people how to live their lives, treat you with respect | No Comments »
December 29, 2009 | Posted by Debbie Devine
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We now enter the coldest, darkest time of year.
When we have just finished overspending, overeating, and generally over-exhausting ourselves.
The time when we have just sent the family on their way and may still be reeling from the tart comments or out-and- out family feuds.
And what do we do? Do we rest? Relax? Clean up the mess? Congratulate ourselves on surviving?
No. We–
MAKE RESOLUTIONS.
Let’s explore some questions asked by my clients about this topic.
Can I Wait to Do This?
Absolutely. As a matter of fact, you may be wise to do so, particularly if you struggle with winter’s short days and lack of sunshine. A mental health condition known as Seasonal Affective Disorder causes some people to notice an increased tendency during the winter months to oversleep and overeat, as well as feel lethargic and depressed. S.A.D. generally requires treatment by a professional. If you suffer from these symptoms, postpone the pressure of resolution setting until spring, when the days lengthen and you feel more energy. This may not be the time to attempt new endeavors!
I Set Resolutions Anyway, But I Keep Failing…
As a counselor, if I see a client repeatedly fail to reach their goals, I know that those goals are too high. This is confirmed by Pauline Gidney , a personal trainer who tells me that people tend to set weight loss goals that are unrealistic in scope and attainability and then wonder why they fail. The idea here is to make your goals SMALL (“exercise 1 more time than I did last week”), CONTROLLABLE (I CAN control whether I work out; I CAN’T control whether I lose weight this week), and POSITIVE.
The Mind Ignores the Negative…
Many people understand that it is useful to write a goal down and reread it on a regular basis, called Affirmation Writing. Fewer are aware of the importance of wording that goal in a positive framework, as the subconscious does not process negatives. Therefore, the affirmation “I will lose 10 lbs.” becomes a focus on “I will—10 lbs.” A resolution worded “I will be less shy” becomes “I will be—shy.” Try framing your resolution in the positive, such as “I will smile at one new person today.” My favorite one to give clients who are trying to become healthier by weight management is “I love and accept my body.”
“Love (your neighbor as) YOURSELF…”
Finally, the attitude you take toward yourself as far as patience and forgiveness in the area of change helps determine whether you will succeed or not. A negative, punishing, severe resolution (“I will never eat carbs again”) is destined for failure, because ultimately the body will not thrive on self-hatred. If you wouldn’t call your friend “stupid” or “lazy” for not working out, why is it somehow OK to say that to the mirror? Negativity breeds giving up, and giving up is the only true “failure” in life.
So as you set small, positive, and affirming resolutions, remember the PURPOSE of a resolution—to make your life better. Not to punish yourself. Not to focus on your perceived flaws. But to gently, patiently love yourself into a better life.
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Categories: Anxiety, Counseling | Tags: Depression | No Comments »
December 3, 2009 | Posted by Debbie Devine
With more than twelve years experience counseling in Rockwall, Texas, as well as seeing clients from Heath, Forney, Rowlett and surrounding areas, I enjoy guiding clients toward recovery from depression and anxiety issues, as well as coaching them toward a healthy divorce recovery. I can help you learn relaxation techniques. You will get immediate, practical tips to help you feel better quickly. Are you working on your marriage–alone? Tell me. I can help
Categories: Counseling | Tags: anxiety issues, coaching, Counseling, counseling Rockwall Texas, Depression, divorce, divorce counseling, divorce recovery, Forney, healthy divorce recovery, Heath, recovery, relaxation techniques, Rockwall, Rowlett, Texas | No Comments »
